


Call Or Delete

by lovemylarry



Category: Larry Stylinson - Fandom, One Direction (Band)
Genre: Business, Competition, Cuddles, Cuddling, Feelings, Feels, Fluff, Friendship, Insecurities, Love, M/M, Sexuality, X-Factor, management, music industry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-10
Updated: 2016-01-10
Packaged: 2018-05-13 00:31:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 17,944
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5687680
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lovemylarry/pseuds/lovemylarry
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry and Louis met in the toilet during the x-factor 2010. They spent the following days together and had a great time until Louis left and gave Harry his number. Harry liked Louis very much but never had the guts to call him. After he got through all auditions, Harry becomes a part of Simon Cowell's boyband 'One Direction'. From that moment on, Harry's life has changed completely. Two years later, he plays 'Call or Delete' with Nick Grimshaw on BBC 1 radio where he has to decide if he'd rather prank call Louis or delete his number. Harry doesn't want to delete the number so he calls him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Call Or Delete

**Author's Note:**

> I know the punctuation is terrible. I will change that, but I think you can still read it :)
> 
> I wrote this for [tessanat](http://tessanat.tumblr.com/).  
> She had posted a suggestion on tumblr so I started writing to do her that favour.  
> That was her post: "I need an AU where Louis was never put in One Direction but he and Harry met in the toilet and Louis gave Harry his number. Harry never deleted the number from his phone, because he thought that Louis was cute, but he never had the guts to call or text him. Then years later Harry goes on BBC radio 1 and plays call or delete with Grimmy and lands on Louis’ name (or “cute boy from the toilet”) and he doesn’t wanna delete the number so he has to call him. I need it. Can someone write this for me."
> 
> Don't translate or publish my work without my permission. Thank you.

## Summer 2010

Harry ran out of the toilets after it happened. It was too embarrassing, just too embarrassing to wait for an opportunity to say sorry to the boy he had met under those unexpected circumstances. Maybe he should have talked to him but he just couldn’t after that mishap. The curly haired boy was so embarrassed, his cheeks were completely red and he just hoped that he would never see the other boy again. Harry walked along the corridor as fast as he could when he suddenly felt someone touching his shoulder.

‘Hey.’ a boy’s voice said and when Harry turned around, he almost froze. It was him. The boy he met in the toilet a few minutes ago. His blue eyes were sparkling and he had the nicest smile. Harry felt his cheeks flushing immensely.

‘Hey! Why are you running away from me?’ the boy asked with a mischievous smile.  
  
 ‘I…I wasn’t running away.’ Harry replied. The boy with the fringe shook his head.

  
‘You’re a hell of a liar. Admit you WERE running away!’ he said laughing while he put his arm around Harry’s shoulders. His accent was so thick.

  
‘Well maybe…maybe I did.’ Harry admitted quietly. ‘I’m very sorry that I…that I peed on you.’ Harry stammered sheepishly and tried to say the sentence as fast as he could. He looked to the ground because he was too embarrassed by this incident. The boy patted Harry’s shoulder slightly.

‘Don’t worry, it’s not a thing. I’m Louis, by the way.’ Louis said with a smirk and reached out his hand for Harry.

‘I’m Harry. I feel so uneasy about it, I’m so sorry. I just want you to know that…’

Louis rolled his eyes and interrupted him. ‘Forget about it, okay? I don’t want to hear any excuses about that anymore or I’ll cut off a huge strand of your beautiful curls.’ he informed Harry with an unsmiling expression but then his facial features softened as he was slowly ruffling through Harry’s dense hair. It was a nice feeling Harry enjoyed. ‘Water and soap sometimes help. See? I’ve washed it out.’

‘Okay, okay!’ Harry put his hands up. ‘I promise, I won’t say sorry it again.’ Louis smirked.

‘Good. So what could we do now?’ Harry asked Louis who shrugged his shoulders. The boys started walking down the hall slowly.

‘Oh I know what, Harry!’ Louis stopped and pointed towards the catering area. ‘Let’s go and fetch some cake. I’ve seen they put up a huge buffet today!’ Louis remarked happily and dragged Harry towards the catering area where both boys sat down on a table in the back of the room.

‘Do you think we’ll get through another round?’ Harry asked Louis, his mouth full of cake.

‘I’m not sure about myself but I’m sure you will.’ Louis answered, while he took a huge bite of his chocolate cake. ‘You’ll be famous one day, I can see that.’

‘Thanks but…I don’t know if I’ll pass.’ Harry answered timidly.

‘Oh sure, love.’ Louis nodded, ‘I’m hundred percent sure you’ll pass. Just look at you.’ Louis said softly and took a sip of his coke. ‘You look great and I heard your singing...’ Harry smiled shyly.

‘Thanks.’ He felt his cheeks flushing again because of Louis’ lovely words.

‘Why do you think that you can’t get through?’ Harry wanted to know.

‘I don’t know, really but I kind of feel it, you know.’ Louis said sadly. ‘There are a lot of people who have better voices than I have. And they even look better than I do.’ Louis lowered his look and picked on his napkin.

‘Don’t say that, Louis. You look lovely and your voice is cool. I heard you singing too and all I can say is that they’re missing out something if they don’t let you through.’ Louis smiled thankful at Harry.

‘Thanks for the try but I think I have to go home soon, I’m pretty sure.’ Louis finished his piece of cake without talking. ‘It’s my biggest wish to get through but it’s not in my hands.’ 

‘I wouldn’t say that, Louis.’ Harry tried to cheer him up. ‘You never know what will happen. I’m sure you could make it, I really do.’ Louis looked up and shook his shoulders. ‘Come on, don’t be sad about things you don’t know yet.’

‘Well, maybe you’re right. Maybe we should do something else than talking about this.’ Louis answered and took a sip of his coke.

‘Yeah.’ Harry said. ‘What about a table tennis match then? He suggested. Louis immediately agreed on Harry’s idea so the boys cleaned their plates and went over to the gaming room where Louis won most of the battles. Harry was relieved that Louis’ mood had lightened up again. After that they went back to their hotel where they spent a funny evening in Louis’ hotel room. They watched videos on youtube, prank called people whose numbers they found online and ended up laughing and giggling on Louis’ bed until Louis’ roommate came back from a party. It was quite late and both of them had to get up early in the morning so Harry decided to leave, although he would have liked to spend more time with Louis. On his way to his room, Harry felt happy and warm. He thought about the fact he had never met someone who was like Louis, not even close. They got on so well and the day has been such a blast with him, if not the best during this time of his life. Everything about Louis was special, his look, his voice, his accent, his attitude. Harry definitely wanted to spend time with him again as soon as possible. He went to bed quietly because his roommate was already fast asleep. The thought of Louis made Harry sigh and soon he fell asleep with a little smile on his lips.

The next day turned out as a very stressful one that was packed with interviews and vocal training. Both boys had separate vocal trainings and interviews so the only possibility for them to meet was during lunch break where Louis came up with the idea of sneaking out for dinner in the evening. Harry hesitated at first because they weren’t allowed to leave the complex during the next two weeks but Louis assured him it wouldn’t be a problem. Harry couldn’t quite concentrate on his work because he was so excited for their secret plan. He messed up in media training and hit a few wrong notes but that didn’t bother him. He just wanted time to pass as fast as possible. Finally, at half past seven, he met Louis behind the hotel, near the fence. It was incredibly cold outside and already getting a little dark while Harry was impatiently waiting for Louis.

‘Harry!’ a voice called Harry silently. It was Louis who appeared next to the fence and gave him a sign to come over.

‘What?’ Harry asked.

‘We have to be careful. Peter is at the gate and I know he’s a strict and though guy. We can’t pass from there but we can try to climb the fence over there, okay?’ Louis started walking into the direction he was pointing at when Harry held him back.

‘Can’t we use the other gate?’ Harry asked worried but Louis shook his head.

‘It’s closed, I’ve already checked it.’

‘I’ve never done such things, I don’t know if I can climb the fence. What if they catch us?’ Harry was slightly worried.

‘It’s not difficult, you’ll see. So what if they catch us? What? Do you think they’ll pass us a detention sheet or send us home?’ he laughed a little and winked at Harry. ‘Don’t worry, it will be fun! Trust me.’ And so it was. Louis was quick but Harry struggled with climbing but it was such a fun thing to watch that Louis couldn’t help but giggle all the time at Harry’s tries. Even Harry had difficulties to hold his balance because he had to laugh so hard. Louis was right, it _was_ fun. After Harry had managed to climb the fence, both ran towards the main street and caught their breath when they were out of sight. Harry turned around to make sure nobody was following them but everything was silent. ‘That wasn’t so bad, I have to admit.’ Harry laughed and held his tummy. Louis just grinned and started to walk. ‘We could go to McDonald’s, I know there’s one a few kilometres away from here.’ Harry was okay with that so they started walking down the street.

‘I feel like we’re doing something illegal.’ Harry whispered across the table, dipping a french frie into his ketchup. Louis laughed and wiped his mouth.

‘Illegal.’ He took a huge bite of his burger and chewed it, smiling at Harry. ‘That’s such a strong word. But you have to admit it was fun.’ Louis smiled.  
Harry smiled and blushed a little because of the compliment. He had never done something like that because he wouldn’t break rules but this felt good, he had to admit. When Harry had to be at home at seven he was there in time. If his mum wanted him to go grocery shopping for her, he would do it without complaining. If his sister asked him for help, he would help. This was his first time he broke the rules but it somehow felt right with Louis.

When they walked home, Harry and Louis talked about where they came from, what their childhood was like, random things. They exchanged their thoughts on the x-factor and the possibility to become famous. What would it feel like? Louis was still sure that he would have to leave and Harry would get through but Harry didn’t want this whole thing to turn out as Louis was thinking. He liked Louis and he just didn’t want to picture himself getting through without him - maybe because he already liked him too much. More than he would admit to anyone but himself. Harry felt so comfortable around him.

  
‘Hey Harry, did I say something wrong?’ Louis asked what made Harry jump a little because he was lost in thought.

‘Oh no, I’m fine.’ Harry answered slowly while they were walking back to their temporary home. ‘I was just thinking about what you said. To be honest, I don’t want you to leave.’ Harry said. Both boys walked next to each other without talking for a few seconds. It was a weird silence and none of them knew why. When they came back, luckily no one had noticed their absence. Louis’ roommate had brought a Playstation, so the boys spend some hours together. Then they decided to watch a movie with other contestants in the movie room. Harry and Louis choose a place in the back and sat down onto an old, worn out sofa that was quite comfy. Louis brought Harry a coke and sat down next to him. Harry felt so comfortable to be near his new friend and there was a certain tension he couldn’t quite describe. He wished Louis would scoot closer to him but he didn’t dare to move. What if Louis didn’t like it? So Harry only leaned back and tried to follow the movie without looking at Louis too obviously. Louis looked so soft and he had beautiful eyelashes. In the middle of the movie a few girls came into the room and sat down next to Louis so he had to scoot closer to Harry who enjoyed feeling the warmth Louis’ body was sending out and felt even better when he kind of leaned on him. Harry could smell Louis and felt the boy’s chest rising and falling. He enjoyed every second of the pleasant feeling that kind of increased through the evening.  
  
When the movie had finished, all the people left one by one, except the two girls who started talking with Louis. Harry was just sitting there with his eyes closed, hoping the girls would leave them alone soon. They seemed nice but Harry didn’t want to talk to them, he wanted to be alone with Louis, not with the girls. Louis was joking around and seemed to have fun but Harry felt…was it jealousy? No, no waybut something inside him wanted to go and leave just to get Louis’ attention. Should he really do that? One girl tried to talk to Harry but he didn’t even answer or open his eyes.

  
‘Your friend is boring.’ one of the girls said derogatorily. ‘Better come with us, we’re going have a little party in our room.’  Harry lifted his head from the back.

‘I’m not boring. I have a headache and your rude comments aren’t helping.’ he barked and leaned his head back, only turning it towards the girls and Louis. Would Louis buy his little white lie? Harry felt a little guilty because Louis was obviously having a good time. Louis immediately scooted closer.

‘Oh sorry Harry, I didn’t know that.’ He stroked Harry’s head gently. ‘Girls, thanks for your invitation but I think I’ll better take care of my friend here.’ he said.

‘Oh come on…’ the other girl whined, ‘…you could still come by later? A few friends will be there too and we could have a good time!’ Louis shook his shoulders.

‘Well, we’ll see. I’m not sure yet, if he really feels sick…’ Louis hadn’t quite finished his sentence when the girls got up and interrupted him.

‘Oh okay, stay here then and spend time with your annoying friend.’ ‘Hey! Watch your mouth!’ Louis shouted at them angrily but one of the girls just flipped him off. Louis wanted to get up too but Harry held his arm.

‘Don’t Louis, please.’ The girls walked away.

‘I told you he was gay, but you didn’t want to believe me. And I bet his friend is gay too.’ The girl didn’t say it loud but loud enough to be heard. Louis couldn’t sit still. He got wild and yelled: ‘I’m not gay just because I don’t want to make out with you!’ The girls only giggled. ‘Have fun with your _friend_.’ the blonde one said, emphasizing the word friend and then they closed the door. Harry and Louis could hear them laughing while they were walking away.

‘Sassy bitches.’ Louis hissed and sat down next to Harry. It was dark in the room, except of a few indirect lights that created a cosy atmosphere. It was completely silent in the building, probably because almost everyone was asleep. Louis sat close to Harry. ‘Can I do something for you?’ Louis asked, touching Harry’s forehead slightly. Harry shook his head.  


Louis felt Harry stirring and opened his eyes. The room was only illuminated by a few indirect lights and the only sound Louis could hear was Harry’s steady breathing and the buzzing of the small fridge. Louis carefully took his phone out of his pocket: 3 am. Louis’ back hurt so he gently woke Harry up who looked like a sleepy little angel. Harry moaned and rubbed his eyes. ‘Harry, wake up. We fell asleep and my back hurts.’ Louis whispered. Harry opened his eyes slowly and smiled.

‘Sorry.’ Louis slapped Harry gently.

‘Stop saying sorry all the time.’ Louis said but smiled at Harry.

‘I’m so…’ Louis quickly covered Harry’s mouth and gave him a threatening look before he accompanied Louis to his room. ‘Thanks for the nice evening.’ Harry smiled and pushed his curls back. He wanted to hug Louis but didn’t bother to. Instead, he put his hands into the pockets of his jeans.

‘Thank you too, it was cool.’ Louis said and gave Harry a tired smile.

‘Sleep well and take care.’ Harry replied. Louis nodded, turned around and waved goodbye. Harry watched Louis walking away and felt sad as he was watching him dissappear. He quietly opened the door to his room and closed it as silently as possible. Then he leaned against it while letting out a little sigh.

‘Hey Harry, what happened? Did someone of your female fans stalk you again?’ Harry got a huge fright when he heard the voice of his roommate Niall. The room was almost pitch black, only the moonlight was shining through the windows. Harry hadn’t noticed Niall sitting on the bed, his guitar in his lap.

‘Oh come on Niall, stop teasing me about those girls.’ Harry waved his hands in the air. ‘You scared me to death!’ Harry put his hands onto his chest and exhaled loudly. Niall chuckled. ‘

I’m sorry.’ Harry walked towards his bed and sat down. ‘So tell me, what happened? Did this crazy girl with the braids try to follow you around again?’ Harry was quite popular among girls and Niall liked teasing him about that.

‘Oh please Niall, stop it.’ Harry let himself fall backwards onto his bed. ‘You’re pretty much exaggerating.’ Niall shook his head.

‘I’m not. The girls are crazy about you, it’s a wonder you still don’t have a girlfriend.’ Niall added while he started to play his guitar silently. Harry looked over to Niall.

‘That’s none of anyone’s business.’ Harry said and crossed his arms in front of his tummy.

‘It’s hard enough I have to fake date this blonde girl on Wednesday.’ Niall laughed.

‘What? You have to date a girl?’

‘Well, I just have to ask her out because she has a crush on me or something, I don’t know. It’s for the next pre-show movie thing so I’ll do it for fun.’ Niall was still laughing, holding his tummy because it didn’t sound fun at all. ‘I can’t believe you said yes, really.’

‘It’s okay, I’ll do it for the show, whatever. Sleep well, Nialler.’ Harry said a little annoyed.

‘Same. Do you mind if I continue playing very silently? I’m just writing a song.’ Niall asked Harry who was turning around, facing the wall.

‘It’s fine, that will help me fall asleep.’ Harry chuckled and so did Niall. When Harry closed his eyes, his thoughts were circling about the time he spent with Louis. If he was honest, he didn’t want him to leave. He wanted to spend more time with him. He wanted to feel his warmth and his breathing. Louis was special, it was different with him but Harry couldn’t quite nail it. He let out a loud sigh before he closed his eyes and listened to Niall who was silently playing a cute melody.

## The next day

When Harry woke up the next morning, he noticed Niall was already gone. His bed was empty, the curtains were pulled open and Harry couldn’t hear any noises coming from the hallway. He covered his face with the palms of his hands for a few seconds, then turned around to have a look at his mobile. When he pushed the power button he was caught off guard. He had clearly overslept and he was almost four hours too late for vocal training. Why had nobody come to call him? Niall hadn’t sent him a message. Maybe the coaches were too busy so they hadn’t noticed that he was missing today? After Harry had stretched his arms he got up in bed, ruffled through his hair and looked out of the window. It was a nice morning. Harry got out of his bed and stumbled towards the bathroom, still tired. Just before he stepped into it, he noticed a little piece of paper that was stuck between the doorframe and the floor. Harry quickly picked up the note. He sat down on the floor, shook his head over and over again as he was reading the letters that were scribbled onto that crumpled yellow piece of paper.

_‘Hi Harry, I left early this morning because of Jamie, my vocal coach. She humiliated me in front of everybody by saying my voice was weak and squeaky. These were the nice things, I don’t want to mention the others. I knew this moment would come and I’ve always felt that I don’t belong here. I didn’t want to disturb you because I left so early. When you’re reading this, I’ll probably be on my way home. Good luck for you, I know you can make it. Here’s my number (07899-542-739) in case if you want to tell me how it feels to be recording professionally because I believe they’ll pick you. I wish you all the best. Louis’_

## Summer 2012

165998\. This was the number they gave Harry when he first auditioned for the x-factor about two years ago. It actually wasn’t just a number, it was the ticket to One Direction for him. Since then Harry has been a member of Simon Cowell’s boyband and Harry’s life has changed tremendously: singing, recording, media training, going to the gym on a regular basis, interviews, meet & greets, promotion, contracts, contracts, contracts. This whole new experience is beyond everything he could have imagined before. Not just because it’s still exciting but also what it means to be ‘famous’ all of a sudden. Harry doesn’t like that word at all but that’s what he is. He has realized his job is a full time job, even in his free time. And it’s not just happy and fun all the time although people must think it is. Of course, he has wonderful opportunities he wouldn’t have without One Direction like earning good money, getting free clothes and travelling around the world. But there’s also a dark side of the business.

Almost everybody wants a piece of Harry. They want to talk to him, hug him, most of the people want autographs and photos 24/7 and almost everywhere Harry goes there are paparazzi waiting for him. Harry hates paparazzi but most of the time that’s also part of his main contract. The pictures cause public attention and that’s what his band needs to keep people talking about One Direction. He never had a sexual relationship with Caroline Flack but his management thought it was important people believed it. Harry cried a lot when the press started giving him the ‘womanizer’ image, thank god his family was supporting him as much as they could. But he had signed the contract and that was it. ‘That’s good for PR and attention.’ his PR manager told him when he once tried to tell him how he felt about this thing. His complaining was ignored, nobody from his management cared and soon Harry found out that there was no possible way to stop it. It’s not easy, especially when he’s asked about these topics in interviews and he has to react quite spontaneously. If he could, he would deny all those rumours and stunts but he isn’t allowed to. Being a part of One Direction is exhausting sometimes but no matter what, he has to be nice to people. He has to be polite to everybody, that’s a fact because it’s written in his contract. The problem isn’t that he doesn’t like to be nice. His mum has raised him well, he respects everyone and treats people with respect but sometimes it’s exhausting, especially after days that are packed with meetings, conferences, interviews and other obligations.

It has been like that since their debut single ‘What makes you beautiful’ was released in 2011 and got more since One Direction’s first album ‘Up all night’ became a world-wide success. Their following tour was a huge success too and after the release of the second album ‘Up all night’ everything had definitely and finally changed. The tour has become bigger, the appearances on TV and radio stations all around the world have pretty much increased during the last months and there is no end in sight.

## September 2012

Harry is sitting in the modern office of his management. The atmosphere in the room is cold because most of the furniture is made out of glass and the combination of glass and clean, shining surfaces is something Harry doesn’t like at all. His job seems to be only fun but actually that’s not true. Harry wishes that people could see what goes on behind closed doors. He wishes people wouldn’t treat him like an object, like a property. If they would be able to see him now they would know why. Harry isn’t that person who’s described in the media, not at all. He is a normal guy with feelings, he has good and bad days and at the moment he’s feeling incredibly insecure. His contract is full of traps he had never thought that such things existed. Having meetings with important people who are involved in One Direction’s management belong to the things Harry doesn’t like at all because it usually means something unpleasant will happen. Harry is nervously twisting his hair while he’s waiting for his PR manager.

Suddenly the door opens and there he is: Mr. Stevens. Mr. Stevens is a true businessman in his thirties. Harry has never seen him wearing something else than elegant suits, most of them expensive ones from famous designers. At first sight you might think he’s a nice man but Harry knows him better. After what he’s done to him with inventing the Caroline Flack story he’s sure that Mr. Stevens is a very cold person who has no regrets. Money is everything for him, everything - and that’s why he is in this position, that’s clear. Definitely, Mr. Stevens is a terrible person, persistent, cruel, unscrupulous and cold.

‘I’m sorry for being late, Mr. Styles. I had another important meeting and we couldn’t finish in time.’ Mr. Stevens says, shaking Harry’s hand. He never calls him Harry but Harry wouldn’t want it either way. ‘Good you found the time to come over.’ Harry nods in silence. Had he have another possibility? No, of course not. ‘Would you like a glass of water?’ Mr. Stevens asks and Harry nods. That’s not a nice gesture here. It has to be done, that’s why he asked and because Harry is polite, he said yes. ‘So, as you have probably noticed, we have been on everyone’s lips for a long time.’ We. It’s not we, it’s me and my friends, Harry thinks but he doesn’t bother saying anything. Everything about Mr Stevens is fake, Harry can’t stand him but forces a little smile. He hates it when Mr. Stevens says ‘we’ as if he was part of the band. As if he’s the one who gets paped. As if he’s the one who has to work until midnight after a show, as if he’s the most important after all. ‘The story with Ms Flack was a pretty good one, it got us the attention we needed. People were buying it, totally.’

‘You’re the perfect story, Mr. Styles.’ He looks at Harry with a strange, almost piercing look that makes Harry lower his head a little. He’s remaining silent, trying not to show what’s going on inside of him. Mr. Stevens continues talking. ‘Now people think you’re into older women what is nice for us.’ he says with an almost evil grin. ‘We have to improve your womanizer image from now on. The stunt with Ms Flack was the first step. You’re the prettiest one out of the boys and that is and will be your bonus. It shouldn’t be hard to get that into people’s minds as most of the girls have already noticed you. It will be easy to get this going.’ During this monologue, Harry’s fingers have become ice-cold. ‘I’m not a womanizer.’ Harry says barely audible. ‘It’s business so you have to seem like one out in public.’ Mr Stevens doesn’t look into Harry’s eyes because he’s too busy typing something into his computer. ‘You are going to have a meeting with your new stylist, Jenna. She’s the best in this business and brings out the best of people.’ he says and gives her a quick call. While he’s still talking on the phone, Mr Stevens prints out a few sites. Harry is afraid what this will be.

After his call, he folds his hands and looks into Harry’s eyes. His look is serious. ‘You are going to get a beard.’ he says, pointing at the documents.

‘A beard? Like here?’ Harry says and looks questioning at Mr Stevens, rubbing the skin of his chin. Mr Stevens lets out a short but loud laugh.

‘No, Mr Styles, not that kind of beard. A beard is a girl that just plays the role of your girlfriend you know? Like you have to ‘date’ in public and make different appearances so that there will be enough proof of your ‘relationship’. He air-quotes the words ‘date’ and ‘relationship’. Here’s the special contract you will need.’ Mr Stevens puts the documents in front of Harry. ‘You can read it later. It’s a PR stunt, like the one with Ms Flack was but we didn’t hire her as a beard, it was just a coincidence with her and we used it for our profit.’ Harry frowns. Caroline was nice and funny but it definitely wasn’t a pleasant time for Harry because since then has always been asked if he liked older girls or women. And now he should get a beard? It is so hard for him to sit there and not to lose his composure. Mr Stevens seems to notice Harry’s uneasiness.

‘There’s no other way. If people knew your sexuality we would lose a lot of money. Young girls usually don’t fancy gay boys.’ He says while he’s folding his hands. ‘They want boy who are available, who are straight.’ His words sound so cold.

‘But that’s who I am.’ Harry adds quietly. Mr Stevens hits the surface of his desk with his hand.

‘But that’s not what people want and it won’t help us with earning money so don’t complain about it anymore. Just cope with it! You have signed your contract and if you want to lose everything you have achieved until now you can go!’ Mr Stevens almost yells at Harry who can’t understand why this man treats him the way he does. Harry almost feels like crying. This can’t be true. This is hell. He has to hide his sexuality just for the job? And he has to do PR stunts for a long time? Harry feels his heart sinking.

‘So I have to pretend I love her? What if I don’t want to do it or if something wrong happens?’ Mr Stevens narrows his eyes, then looks at Harry with a serious look and shakes his head.

‘I can repeat it for you. You have signed your main contract, the clause can be found under paragraph twenty-four and you are going to sign this new one here, too. You have to and I promise, there won’t be any mistakes. We can turn everything around just as we want.’ His tone is kind of mocking. This is the part of the business Harry doesn’t like. He has to lie about certain things, it’s all about money and nobody cares about Harry’s feelings. He’s just like a robot. Harry feels as if he’s getting a slight headache. ‘You are going to meet her a few times first before you start dating her. The press is already informed and be aware of the fact that I can call you anywhere, even in your holidays. It’s an exception, a very important one in business.’ Mr Stevens tells Harry and hands him a pen. ‘This is a supplement to your main contract.’ Harry takes the document with shaking hands. Thirty pages with rules and conditions. It would take Harry years to understand every word but in general it’s unbelievable what he reads. His head is swimming, the headache is getting stronger. He has to do PR-stunts on a regular basis, depending on the need, even in his free time. Mr Stevens wasn’t joking about that. He has at least to hold hands, hug and kiss her in public. He’ll get media training to get used to questions that could be asked about this issue. He will get paid more for this. But Harry would rather not take the money if he could escape somehow but he can’t.

‘Sign it on the last page.’ Mr. Steven says and hands Harry a pen.

‘What?’ he almost yells, forgetting where he is and who is sitting in front of him. ‘Taylor? She is going to be my beard?’ Mr Stevens nods with a cold look.

‘It’s also good for her career to be seen with you so it’s logic that we chose her for you.’ Harry is close to tears again. What is this? Taylor is an amazing songwriter but Harry doesn’t like her since she made a sarcastic comment about his relationship with his mum.  And now he’s supposed to be her fake boyfriend or – she has to play the role of his fake girlfriend?

‘The only ones who are allowed to know Taylor is your beard is your close family. No aunts, no uncles, no cousins, no friends. If something comes out, you’ll get in huge trouble. Is that clear for now?’ Mr Stevens asks harshly and Harry nods. Fuck. After spending another hour at the office, Harry can finally go home. His head is buzzing and he can’t remember anything from the last minutes there because this whole situation made him dizzy. When he comes home, his mum notices that something’s wrong but she lets him go upstairs without asking him any questions because she’s used to it. Harry will talk to her later, she knows that. He isn’t allowed to tell people about this bearding, everything has to look real, he’s unhappy with it and what for? Just to earn more money and hide his sexuality? It’s disgusting. What the fuck is wrong with this music industry?

## November 2012

At the beginning of November the band has a few days off and Harry spends these days at home with his family. While Harry is chilling with his cousins, he gets a call from his friend Nick Grimshaw who’s the host of a radio show in London. Grimmy wants Harry to help him out on his show because Paris Hilton got ill all of a sudden. 

That’s why Harry is on Grimmy’s show ‘call or delete’ today. That’s a game where guests are supposed to flip through their phone and randomly choose a contact they have to prank call or, if they refuse to do it, have to delete the contact. ‘Okay Harry, it’s time to play.’ Grimmy says and gives Harry a wide smile. Harry is smiling too but shakes his head.

‘I don’t know why I came here, seriously.’ Grimmy lets out a loud laugh.

‘Oh well, it’s too late for regrets now. I’m sure this will be a lot of fun.’ Harry pushes his hair back.

‘I hope so.’ he answers and smirks.

‘There’s no way back, Harry. Please go to the contacts of your phone, scroll through, at random whoever it lands on we call or – if you don’t want to call them you delete them out of your life.’ Grimmy explains.  
Harry takes his phone and looks at his friend.

‘Okay, here we go.’ Harry says and scrolls trough his contacts without looking at the screen.

‘Stop.’ Grimmy orders and Harry looks at his screen.

‘Oh.’ His facial features fall a little and there’s silence for a few seconds.

‘Who is it?’ Grimmy asks to break the silence.

‘It’s…it’s Louis.’ Harry stammers. Grimmy frowns.

‘Louis?’

‘Yes, Louis. I met him during the x-factor, we met in the toilet.’ Harry had never called Louis since then because he didn’t have the guts to do it at first and then everything got so stressful and the more time passed by the more he didn’t have the confidence to call Louis although he was always in the back of his mind. It’s a weird feeling to see Louis’ name appearing on the screen. Harry remembers the time he spent with Louis and the warm feeling makes Harry’s cheeks flush.

‘Harry?’ Grimmy interrupts Harry’s thoughts. ‘Can we call him or would you like to delete the number?’ Grimmy asks and gives Harry a questioning look.

‘Oh sorry, I think I should call.’ Harry answers slowly because seeing Louis’ name brings back the feeling he had two years ago and he doesn’t want to delete Louis’ number although he’s a little bit afraid of his reaction because both of them haven’t spoken to each other for so long.

‘So what would you like to tell him?’ Grimmy asks while adjusting his microphone.

‘I don’t know really. We got along quite well and had a great time at the x-factor but I haven’t talked to him since then.’ Harry admits.

‘Well, if you don’t know what to tell him, you have to delete.’

Harry shakes his head. ‘No, no, I don’t want to delete this contact.’

'So obviously Louis didn’t get through. What if you told him someone wanted to hear his voice?’

Harry remembers how bad Louis wanted to get through. He remembers how sad he was when he told Harry about his feelings concerning his voice and look. Harry isn’t sure if he should do it but there isn’t too much time left for discussions. The show is live and Harry is absolutely sure he doesn’t want to delete this number so he has to call. ‘Okay then.’ Harry nods. Maybe it won’t be that bad. Louis was a funny guy and he could find it funny too. Harry doesn’t know why but when he deals the number, his heart starts beating faster and his hands begin to sweat. After a few beeps, Louis answers his phone.

‘Who’s there?’ His accent is still thick and his voice sounds a little raspier than before. Harry almost freezes when he hears his voice. It sounds so familiar, so nice but it gets Harry incredibly nervous too.

‘Hey Louis, it’s Harry.’ Harry says slowly and looks at the screen as if Louis could see him there.

‘Hello? Harry who?’ Louis asks. Has Louis forgotten about him?

‘We met in…I mean during x-factor.’ It takes some time until Louis speaks again.

‘Oh. _Harry_?’ his voice has lowered remarkably. ‘Did you find my note? I thought you didn’t because you haven’t called since then.’ Louis says and Harry can’t quite figure out if Louis is happy or disappointed.

‘I did.’ Harry clears his throat. Louis continues talking.

‘I thought you forgot about me and…I wouldn’t have thought you’d call me, especially not now that you’re in the band.’ Harry nods but forgets that Louis can’t see him. ‘Aren’t you?’ Louis asks again.

‘Oh yes, yes I am.’ Harry answers lost in thought.

‘See? I was right that they would pick you.’ Louis says and Harry can hear he’s smiling. Grimmy points at the clock and gives Harry a sign to hurry. ‘How are you?’ Louis asks a little bit happier. Harry signs back at Grimmy. He feels so uncomfortable that he has to prank Louis but at last he can talk to him. It’s almost as if nobody would listen.

‘I’m fine actually. Everything’s got busier but I’m fine.’ Harry answers and Grimmy waves his hands in the air. Harry clears his throat. ‘I just called to tell you that here’s someone who would like to hear you sing. You know, he’s a producer and I told him about your voice.’ There’s silence at first, Louis doesn’t respond immediately.

‘Oh…really?’ his voice sounds unsure. ‘I can’t believe that.’ Harry tries to convince Louis.

‘Sure, he just told me he would like to hear you because I told him about you.’ Harry tries to imagine how Louis’ voice must sound now that it got a little raspier.

‘You know, I’ve always hoped someone would be interested but…I don’t know if I should do this.’ Louis says, hesitating. ‘What if he doesn’t like my singing?’

‘Oh, come on, you’ll be doing fine. I’m sure.’ Harry answers and looks at Grimmy who winks at Harry. ‘I heard your singing, remember?’ he adds quickly.

‘But…I don’t know, I’m not sure if I should.’

‘You should, definitely.’ There’s a pause again.

‘You can do it.’ Harry assures him. Louis finally agrees and sings ‘Look after you from the Frey. His voice is so pure and beautiful that Harry doesn’t know what to say at first. Grimmy is blown away too, Harry can see it in his eyes. When Louis has finished, Grimmy and Harry stay silent for a few seconds. ‘This…this was wonderful.’ Harry praises Louis.

‘What does he say?’ Louis asks excitedly and the happy tone in his voice makes Harry feel incredibly guilty. ‘Did he like it?’ Louis asks again what makes Harry’s heart ache. Just in that moment he realizes that he has lied to Louis, that he has played with his feelings and that he has to confess within the next seconds.

‘Louis…you should know I’m on Grimshaw’s radio show ‘call or delete’ and you’ve just been pranked.’ Louis doesn’t answer, he immediately ends the call. This reaction makes Harry feel awful. His heart sinks for the second time during this show and he doesn’t know what to say.

‘Louis took it quite seriously, didn’t he.’ Grimmy comments on Louis’ reaction. Harry just nods in silence. ‘Sorry man,’ Grimmy says, touching Harry’s shoulder. ‘Maybe you should apologize later. Thanks for being here though.’

 

After the show Harry tries to reach Louis but he doesn’t answer his phone. Harry feels such a guilty conscience that he calls him again and until Louis finally answers his phone.

‘What?!’ he bawls into the speaker and makes Harry feel even more guilty than he already does.

‘I’m sorry Louis, please let me explain it.’ Harry almost begs.

‘Explain what? That you humiliated me live on national radio?’ Louis shouts angrily.

‘No, Louis, well….yes, I…called but I didn’t mean it, I…’ Louis harshly interrupts Harry’s excuse.

‘What’s your problem, Harry? Just because you’ve become a celebrity you think you can do anything to anybody? That’s fucking lame! All I’m obviously good for is a disgusting prank? Are you serious? Never call me again, Harry, never.’ Louis shouts and ends the call for the second time without waiting for Harry to say something. Harry stares at his mobile. Louis is hurt and angry and to be honest – Harry does understand why. It was such a terrible idea to prank him but he did it because he didn’t want to delete Louis’ number. All he wants is to set everything right but how? If he calls again he’s sure, Louis won’t answer. But there’s no way, he has to talk with him. Not just to say sorry. Harry wants to meet Louis again, definitely. He remembers the warm feeling Louis gave him when they were close to each other. He remembers the gentle touches and the fun they had together. It all seems so far but suddenly so close too. Harry sinks down on his bed and closes his eyes but he’s tossing and turning. It’s not late so Harry decides to take a walk on his own when his phone buzzes suddenly. Harry grabs it quickly, hoping that it’s Louis who’s messaging but it’s only Mr Stevens.

 _‘Come to the office at 11 am tomorrow. You will get your hair done and Caroline will choose a nice outfit for you to pick Ms Swift up from the airport at two pm. A few paparazzi are going to be there too so it will be official. Go to bed early and stay relaxed.’_  
  
Mr Stevens can’t be serious. It’s his week off, why must it be now? Harry is so angry that he throws a book into a corner of his room. But he knows there’s no other possibility, it’s written in his contract. The stunt includes holding hands and going out for lunch with Taylor. After lunch they have to take a walk in the nearest park and then Harry accompanies Taylor to her record label because Mr Stevens thought it would be even better for promotion. It’s so hard for Harry to play this role but he has no other possibility. Some fans recognize them both and Harry and Taylor start taking pictures with the fans and give autographs. This whole thing lasts way too long and after the day is almost over, Harry returns home to his family. They do their best to cheer Harry up. His mum makes a delicious pizza, they take a walk after dinner and then Anne and Gemma decide to watch Harry’s favourite movie: Love actually. Thank god he has such a supportive family. Anne goes to bed after the movie and Gemma goes out with some friends so Harry decides to cuddle up in his bed and tries to call Louis again. Even while watching the movie, Harry couldn’t distract himself from his thoughts about Louis’ reaction this morning and Harry isn’t the type who can live with things like that easily. He just can’t forget about his mistake and this whole thing is bothering him much more than he thought it would when he decided to prank call Louis. It’s almost eleven o’clock when Harry calls again but Louis doesn’t answer. After about five trials, Harry finally texts him.

_‘Louis, please answer me. I’m very sorry for what I’ve done, really, really sorry. Please let me explain everything! -Harry’_

Harry stares at his mobile for hours but there’s no answer. Not after one hour, not after two. Finally Harry gives up. He tries to fall asleep and although he’s tired as hell, he can’t. His thoughts circle around Louis. How Louis would look like now. How beautiful Louis voice sounded. How Louis must be feeling now. Harry spends half of the night tossing and turning, falls asleep somewhere between two and three but wakes up at half past five. His head aches and he feels as if he hadn’t slept for days. Harry rubs his eyes and reaches for his phone. The screen shows two messages and Harry feels a lump building in his throat. His hands are almost shaking as he opens them but it’s only one from Mr Stevens who’s telling him that his stunt has been successfully printed during the night and a second one from his cousin Matty. No message from Louis. Although it’s early in the morning, he sends him another message.

_‘I’m very sorry, Louis. Very.’_

The answer comes within minutes and Harry’s heart hammers in his chest.

_‘Harry, are you insane? It’s in the middle of the night! Stop bothering me, you’re so annoying!’_

Louis’ words hurt, but Harry isn’t ready to give up.

‘ _Louis, please let me explain everything. I know I made a mistake and I just can’t stop thinking about how you must feel. Please give me a chance and if you want I will never text you again after that. I’ll even delete your number, if you want. But please, let me talk to you.’_

 _‘I’m here. You can start.’_ Louis texts back.

_‘If you don’t mind, I’d like to meet you in person, if you’re okay with that. Well, depends on where you’re living now.’_

_‘Manchester. When?’_

Harry is relieved about Louis’ answer although his words and the way he writes hurt him. He sends a short answer back.   _‘Tomorrow? Maybe at yours? Just text me your address and I’ll be there in the late afternoon if that’s okay.’_

 

Harry is really nervous while driving to Manchester. He knows where to go because Louis lives at the dorms where his sister used to live for her first year of studying. Harry is dressed casually, his hair is hidden under a Green Packers beanie, he’s wearing black skinny jeans, a dark green trench coat and black chucks. His stomach almost aches as he climbs the stairs to Louis’ floor. He slightly knocks on the door and pulls off his beanie. It doesn’t take long until Louis opens the door and greets him shortly. Harry’s heart sinks. He didn’t expect him to be happy but this...hurts. Louis closes the door after Harry has stepped in and walks back onto the balcony where he’s smoking. Harry just stands there at first. When Louis doesn’t turn around, Harry walks through Louis’ small room, towards the balcony. He opens the door a little. ‘Louis, can I sit down on your bed?’ Harry asks Louis, his voice low and barely audible. He feels so guilty for everything and he understands why Louis is that disapproved of him.

‘Depends on how long you want to stay.’ Ouch. A few seconds later Louis throws away his cigarette and closes the balcony door. He leans against his wardrobe, crossing his arms in front of his chest. His look is serious, his facial features are hard. Harry is sitting on the bed and looks at his hands while he is twisting one of his rings.

‘Uhm…I…it’s hard for me to start.’ Harry stammers, too unsure to look up.

‘You wanted to meet me here.’ Louis says dryly, emphasizing the word ‘you’.

‘I know.’ Harry says and bites his lip.

‘So why are you here? I’m sure you won’t have much time since you’re famous and…’ Harry makes a gesture of refusal and finally dares to look at Louis.

‘Please, please don’t say that, please don’t.’ He shakes his head. ‘I don’t like that word.’

‘That’s what you are, Harry.’ Louis’ voice is so insensitively it almost hurts Harry’s ears. That’s not his lovely Louis he met during the x-factor many years ago. The guy who is standing in front of Harry looks like Louis but he has changed so much or maybe he’s just hurt.

‘Don’t call me famous again, I hate it so much.’ Harry shakes his head and presses his lips together while he’s covering his face with his hands. ‘Did you come here to talk about words and their meanings? I’m sure you have a full schedule with meetings, girls, sex and recording, why wasting time?’ Louis says coldly, throwing the newest gossip magazine at Harry that shows pictures of him with Taylor Swift from yesterday. Harry is so shocked that he picks up the magazine and reads the heading. ‘1D’s womanizer strikes again. Is Taylor Swift his next prey?’ This is the most hurtful thing Harry has ever experienced until now and Louis reaction is the proof that people believe everything they read in the press. Louis’ words hurt so much, even more than that stupid headline. Harry shoves the magazine away. It’s disgusting. ‘This is not me, Louis! Don’t believe that shit!’ Harry takes the magazine again and throws it onto the ground. He hides his face in the palms of his hands and shakes his head. Harry can feel tears crawling up but he tries so hard to swallow them.

‘Who are you then?’ Louis barks at Harry. ‘A celebrity who thinks it’s funny to humiliate a normal guy in front of everyone?’ Louis’ voice is still full of venom.

‘You don’t know how sorry I am for doing this to you! Louis, I…I replaced someone in Grimmy’s show and I had a contract. If I hadn’t called you I would have been forced to delete your number!’ Harry gesticulates.

‘So what? You didn’t call me all those years, why now?’ Louis yells even before Harry can finish his sentence. Harry pushes his hair back.

‘I was too shy to call you at first and then everything went on so fast. When I stopped at your contact during that show I remembered our x-factor days and you know, I kind of missed it.’ Harry pauses and Louis just watches him without saying anything. ‘I realized I missed you. I didn’t want to delete your number, that’s why I called and I’m so sorry if I’ve hurt you.’ Harry says, looking at Louis who decides to sit next to him, not very close, but still. Harry looks at Louis. ‘I would take everything back if I could. I’m sorry, so sorry.’ Harry says softly. Louis doesn’t answer. ‘By the way…you sang beautifully. It was the nicest thing I’ve heard for so long.’ Harry’s voice gets a little quiet at the end and both guys sit there in silence. Harry pushes his hair back again. ‘I didn’t want to hurt you and I’m very, very sorry, Lou, I just can’t do something else than telling you again and again.’ As Louis isn’t reacting, Harr stands up from the bed. ‘That’s all I wanted to say. It wasn’t my intention to hurt or humiliate you, I just didn’t want to delete your number because...’ Harry grabs his beanie but doesn’t finish his sentence. ‘Anyways. It’s okay if you hate me now...’ Harry says disappointed and walks to the door. Within seconds he’s gone.

Louis just stares at the door for a while, still processing what happened. He is pissed, he is very pissed but Harry was so nice and…nervous and he really wanted to say sorry. What if he means it? And he was so mean. All of a sudden he grabs his sweater, pulls a grey beanie out of his drawer and runs down the stairs, out of the house. He has to catch Harry again but where should he go? Maybe he took the usual path through the little park? There are several possibilities to leave but Louis chooses the easiest. If he’s lucky, Harry will be on his way. It’s getting dark and that makes it even more difficult that it already is. Louis runs through the park towards the main street where the parking lot is. Louis stops at the gate and looks left and right but Harry is nowhere to be seen. But what’s that? Just when Louis catches his breath, he hears some female voices squeal and shriek. That must be him. For a second, Louis forgot that Harry is famous, really famous. Louis runs towards the voices and when he’s close, he can clearly see Harry’s green beanie. He’s surrounded by girls. His voice is slow and raspy as he’s talking to them. Did he use this voice when he talked to him? It’s smooth, like velvet. Wow. Louis slowly walks closer but stops a few metres away from the little crowd that has gathered around Harry. Just when Harry turns around to take another picture with one of the girls, their eyes meet for a second. Harry takes the picture and writes a few more autographs before he says goodbye and walks towards Louis. Three girls follow him but Harry stays nice, turns around and talks to them. After that the girls go back to the others and Harry comes over to Louis while the girls are still taking pictures. But at least they don’t follow him anymore.

‘Louis…you are here?’ Harry asks and Louis just nods. When Harry reaches Louis, they both automatically start walking back into the park quickly.

‘I think I was too mean to you and wanted to ask if you’d like to come to my room again.’ Louis’ voice is nice, warm and definitely calmer than before but Harry can tell that he’s a little nervous now – but he’s nervous too. Louis pulls out a cigarette and offers one to Harry who shakes his head.

‘Thanks but I don’t smoke.’ Harry answers while the boys walk towards Louis’ apartment complex.

Harry and Louis take off their jackets and sit down on the bed again. ‘Thanks for coming back.’ Harry says softly, pushing back his hair. ‘I thought you wouldn’t want me around you anymore.’ Louis shakes his head.

‘I’m sorry for treating you so poorly. I was just…I was angry and…I don’t know…’ Harry touches Louis’ shoulder.

‘It’s okay. It’s my fault, after all. And I’m very, very sorry.’ Harry takes his hand back and smiles at Louis. ‘I wish we could turn back time and start all over again, you know.’ Harry says, twisting his ring. ‘The x-factor days with you were too funny!’ Harry smiles. ‘Do you remember when we…’ Harry starts talking but the ringing of his phone interrupts him. While Harry is on the phone, Louis gets up to heat up some water for tea.

Louis looks at him while the water is starting to heat up. How beautiful Harry is…his face has changed but in a positive way and his hair got longer which, as Louis thinks, looks beautiful. He feels a small burn in his heart when Harry looks at him and smiles softly for a second. Louis can’t understand what Harry is talking about but he doesn’t seem very happy about it. When the water is hot enough, Louis pours it into two mugs and hands the tea to Harry who’s now walking up and down the room. ‘Why now?’ Harry asks and keeps shaking his head while he’s listening to the person on the other end. He supports the weight of his head with his hand while he listens. ‘But…I’m on my holidays!’ Harry’s sounds angry. ‘Yes…yes, I know.’ He sounds sad when he ends the call. ‘I’m sorry Louis, I have to go.’ he says as he’s sipping a little bit of his tea and puts down the mug. ‘I have to work. It’s business, my management just called.’ He grabs his beanie and puts on his trench coat again. Louis looks at him and if he’s honest, he’s just dissappointed that Harry has to got but he doesn’t say anything. After he had gathered courage to bring Harry back he would go now? Just like that? Louis stands there, his tea in his hand and shakes his head in disbelief. ‘I promise, I’ll message you as soon as I can and then we’ll have more time to talk.’ Harry would like to give Louis a hug but Louis’ body language tells him not to so he doesn’t. ‘I promise I’ll message.’ Harry says while he’s opening the door. Louis presses his lips together and nods. He doesn’t want Harry to go. Louis spends the evening looking at his screen but his phone stays quiet.

## End of November 2012

A few weeks have already passed without any message from Harry. Of course, why should he call him, Louis, an ordinary boy from Manchester? Harry is famous now, he’s one of the most wanted celebrities in the world. It feels crazy that it really happened and Louis can’t believe that Harry was in this room with him a few weeks ago. And it all happened because of a stupid radio show. What if Harry had never called him? Well, then Louis wouldn’t sit here and miss him, yes, he misses him – kind of. It was nice to see Harry again but on the other hand it hurts too much not to have him here and Louis doesn’t know why exactly. They had a great time during the x-factor and it would have been nice to keep in touch afterwards but they didn’t and it wasn’t a huge thing. Of course Louis was a little bit dissappointed then but it was okay. He followed One Direction’s rise and thought it was crazy that he had spent time with Harry before he got famous.  
Since Harry has visited Louis, he’s watching One Direction videos and interviews. He focuses on Harry who actually is as nice as he’s portrayed in interviews. He has a beautiful attitude and you just feel good around him. Louis doesn’t know why exactly but he just wants a message from Harry. Or a call. Or both but the more time passes the less Louis believes that Harry will contact him. From that moment on Louis tries to concentrate on his normal life again: uni, his friends, skateboarding and football. It works quite well until he goes grocery shopping and discovers a new people magazine with Harry and Taylor Swift as a cover. The heading says ‘Secret meeting in London. Are Harry Styles and Taylor Swift finally dating?’ Louis doesn’t know why but this headline disturbs him, kind of. And from that point on Harry is on his mind again. Will he call? Why hasn’t he called? Why does Louis have to think of Harry so much?

_‘Hi Lou, I’m home for the weekend. Wanna meet?’_

Louis stares at Harry’s message. What’s happening? Within a second every doubt, every dissappointment is gone. Louis types his answer and goes to bed with a smile.

## Friday evening

This time Harry has really tried to hide as good as possible because he wants his privacy and most of all – he wants to keep Louis out of the press. Everything became very complicated since he became famous but he wants to protect his family and friends from the media, no matter what. It’s enough if they write all those horrible stories about him, he doesn’t want to read any lies about his family. Harry has pushed his hair back, put on his oldest jacket and pulled the hood over his head. He wears comfortable trousers and sneakers. He doesn’t like his look much but it works – nobody recognizes him on the streets. A few girls look at him as if they knew him but then they continue their way. Harry sighs. He’s a little bit nervous when he knocks on Louis’ door.

‘Hey!’ Louis greets Harry when he opens the door. ‘Is that you?’ he says jokingly and pulls at Harry’s hood. ‘Where’s your hair?’ Louis remarks smirking and Harry’s smile is wide.

‘Yeah, I just didn’t want to be recognized so I had to dress like that.’ He says and makes a modelling gesture.

‘Come in.’ Louis laughs and closes the door. Harry pulls off his hood completely and shakes his hair. His curls are messy and stick to his face also so Harry runs his fingers through his hair so they get fluffy again.

‘Can I…’ Harry asks and points towards the bed.

‘Of course, but only if you stay longer this time.’ Louis answers and winks at Harry. Harry lets out a loud laugh, takes off his shoes and his coat. Then he sits down and takes a decorative pillow into his lap. Louis sits down next to him, his back leaning on his wardrobe so that he can see Harry’s profile.

‘How are you doing?’ Harry asks and looks at Louis.

‘I’m fine.’ he shortly answers and picks on his fingernails.

‘Doesn’t sound really happy to be honest?’ Harry half asks and crosses his legs. Louis let’s out a quiet moan.

‘I…I was just wondering why you haven’t called or messaged earlier. It wasn’t easy for me to run after you then and…well, I don’t know.’ Louis makes a gesture. ‘Not that important, forget about it.’ Although Harry is in his room he can’t be as happy as he had pictured it. Harry shifts clearly uncomfortably and clears his throat.

‘It’s complicated, I couldn’t call you earlier although I wanted to.’ He presses his lips together without looking at Louis. After a while, Louis gets up and starts filling the kettle to boil water.

‘I hope your phone won’t ring this time.’ Louis jokes and Harry smile a little.

‘Hopefully not.’ Louis takes out two mugs of the cupboard and puts a tea bag in each mug. Then he crosses his arms in front of his body.

‘It’s strange to have you here. Kind of.’ Louis declares.

‘Why?’ Harry asks astonished.

‘Because you’re famous and I’m not, I mean, look at you! You’re touring the world, your name is everywhere and you’re just such a celebrity and now you’re sitting here in my dorm room? That’s…I don’t know, pretty weird.’ Harry looks at Louis, he’s not mad about Louis’ words but kind of…hurt. That’s what people do all the time, they just label him. Famous. Celebrity. It hurts.

‘Lou I…I know that you read all these things because they seem so real but you have to face reality. Half of those things belong to my job and I try to do my best but I’m also a normal guy just as you and I feel so guilty when people call me famous, as if that’s something repulsive or disgusting.’ Harry’s voice is sad, he lowers his head and covers his face with the palms of his hands for a few seconds. ‘I thought you were different…but all I can see now it that everyone has the same opinion about me, no matter what I do.’ he sighs. ‘I don’t understand why.’

  
Louis takes the kettle and fills both mugs, then he hands one to Harry. ‘It’s just…because you’re famous.’ Louis repeats. ‘You get to know so many nice people and you’re friends with so many other celebrities, I mean you met Beckham, Kate Moss, Cara, your girlfriends are pretty and everything is so surreal, what do you expect me to think?’ Louis tells Harry and takes a sip of his tea.

‘Hey, hey!’ Harry’s voice gets louder. ‘That’s part of my job, Louis. I get to know these people _because_ of the business but it doesn’t mean I like them all or I’m friends with all of them! To be famous is, no, can be exhausting sometimes and not everything is like it seems to you! I’m fed up with people assuming I’m just that famous guy with his famous rich friends who doesn’t know how to buy milk at a grocery store! I’m so fed up with it, you can’t imagine! That’s why I came here, Louis, I want to keep my life as normal as I can under those circumstances but…’ Harry feels his eyes water. It’s exhausting, he thought Louis would understand but obviously he doesn’t. Or maybe he just can’t. He quickly wipes away a tear because he doesn’t want to cry in front of Louis who doesn’t know what to say at first. Louis sits down next to Harry again and puts his hand on Harry’s shoulder.

‘I’m sorry, I…I didn’t want to make you sad.’ Harry looks at him, his eyes still glossy but he manages not to cry. ‘I don’t know, everything is so weird. I want to be treated as a normal guy. Everywhere I go people would do anything just because I’m famous.’ Harry air quotes the word he hates the most. ‘This word is disgusting, it takes away so much substance. I wish people would treat me equally, say no or even say they don’t like me but no – almost no one does except my family and real friends from back home.’ His voice gets louder and angrier. ‘I don’t want to be treated as a porcelain doll who might break if you say something wrong, I’m fed up with that, big time! But I can’t do anything against it. People always say I’m nice and they wouldn’t have thought that. Why? Why Louis? Why can’t I be nice to people just because I’m a little known in public? Should I be an asshole to everybody who passes my way? Why should I? I’m not better than a secretary, a shop assistant or a college student, I even went to a few parties and it felt so good to do something normal! I hate going to fancy premieres or to be photographed on the red carpet, but I have to! It’s my job! I have to wear all those expensive designer clothes because I got contracts with the designers and…it’s not what I want all the time. I do it because of the job. It was nice at first but people assume I’m arrogant and I bet most of them think I’m a snob because I’m wearing all these Gucci and Yves Saint Laurent stuff but Lou I…that’s not me.’

  
Harry catches his breath and sips his tea while Louis just stares at him. He looks so vulnerable in his purple sweater. And pretty. ‘I came here because I thought you were different but obviously, you’re also fooled by the media.’ Harry pushes his hair back and rubs his face. Louis twists the mug in his hands.

‘I didn’t know all that, I’m sorry for saying all these things to you. Really.’ he quietly whispers, gets up and hugs Harry. Harry smiles gently.

‘Tell me anything you want to. Ask me anything you want. Don’t think too much, I’ll answer whatever you want me to.’ He gives Louis a small smile.

‘We had such a cool relationship, I don’t want to throw that away another time.’ Louis nods.

‘Same.’

‘Remember, I peed on you back then.’ Harry adds and lets out a quiet laugh because the imagination brings back the memory.

‘What an iconic beginning for a friendship…’ Louis answers and smiles too. ‘We had a great time until…yeah until I left.’ Louis says and pauses. Harry just nods.

‘I was sad when I read your note because we got on so well.’

‘Oh.’ Louis answers. ‘I thought you wouldn’t care because you didn’t message.’ Louis replies and leans his head back at the back of his wardrobe. Harry shakes his head.

‘It’s not because of that…I…I don’t know.’ Louis can see Harry’s cheeks flush a little. Harry looks at his tea, stirring it with the little spoon.

‘Maybe I have done something wrong?’ Louis asks Harry but he shakes his head.

‘No…the only one who did something wrong is me.’ Harry’s voice is almost not audible. ‘It wasn’t right to call you just because of that show, I know.’ Louis frowns. Does Harry regret meeting him or...

‘But…why?’ Louis asks. ‘If you didn’t want to talk to me or meet me, why did you call then? Why did you come here, I mean you could have…’ Harry holds up his hand.

‘Stop it Lou…I…uhm, it’s not that.’ He shakes his hand in refusal. ‘I think was too shy because we hadn’t met for so long and I thought you might be mad at me so I always thought I could do it another time.’ Louis frowns.

‘What?’ Louis asks, clearly not understanding Harry’s point. ‘So you didn’t want to call.’ Harry shakes his head.

‘No…I wanted but…I don’t know how…maybe it’s better if I go now.’ Harry whispers more to himself but Louis heard it.

‘Don’t.’ Louis says and touches Harrys arm. Harry turns towards Louis and looks at him without a word. ‘Every time you’re here you run away and I don’t know why.’ Louis confesses but Harry doesn’t know if it’s right to tell him how he really feels. It’s not true that Harry was too busy and it’s not true that he went away because he didn’t like Louis. It’s not but Harry is unsure if he should talk further about how he had suffered all the time but something inside of him tells him to do so. But what if Louis doesn’t share his opinion? ‘I’m just very busy and you know, when management calls I have to do my job, that’s it.’ Louis lets out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. ‘Stressful. So it’s not because of me?’ he asks and Harry shakes his head again, knowing that he’s not telling the whole story.

‘No.’ Harry answers. Louis doesn’t know what to think of that conversation.

Suddenly someone knocks at Louis’ door. It’s Lucy, one of Louis’ best friends here in Manchester. Her facial expression and gestures clearly show something’s not right and she’s clearly upset. She doesn’t even wait for Louis to say or do something after she knocked. Lucy gives him a quick kiss, pushes past him and lets herself fall onto his office chair, then she starts talking about her friend’s boyfriend who just cheated on her and wanted to date her and what not. Louis’ head is swimming, that’s clearly too much information for a guy at once. She doesn’t notice Harry at first because she’s so enraged but when she gets up to walk through the room and grab a cigarette she notices the tall, tattooed boy with the curls who is sitting on Louis’ bed in the back of the room and lets out a loud shriek. She covers her mouth with her hand, points towards Harry and looks at Louis, clearly confused and baffled. Her problems are blown away within a second as she starts yelling

‘Oh my god, oh my god!’ over and over again. She jumps up and down in front of the bed, still covering her mouth with her hands. Lucy shakes her head constantly and repeats ‘No, no, no, that’s not possible.’ again and again while tears are running down her cheeks. Louis is shocked, he knows his friend is positively crazy sometimes but this is just unbelievable. Who is this girl? Louis is embarrassed, so much that he walks over to Lucy, shakes her slightly and yells at her: ‘Lucy, are you insane?’  
But she doesn’t even notice Louis, she just stares at Harry who shakes his head towards Louis, telling him to let her when he slowly gets up from the bed and pulls the small, wiggy acting girl close. She wraps her tiny arms around Harry’s body and cries loudly into his chest what makes Louis close the door because he’s afraid someone else could have heard her. The walls in this building are as thin as paper. Harry puts his cheek onto Lucy’s hair and runs his hand up and down her back. Louis is frozen, he just can’t proceed this scene. Of course he has seen girls crying about their favourite celebrities – he has four sisters at home – but this is too much. After minutes Harry is still hugging Lucy who finally stopped crying.  
‘Hey. Everything’s fine.’ Harry says softly as he’s caressing her back. Lucy is still sobbing and her whole body is trembling. Louis can’t understand how Harry can stay so cool, how he can be so gentle with someone he doesn’t know at all. Louis wouldn’t be that patient, for sure. He wants to shout at his friend because she’s acting as if she was a teenager. When she starts crying again, Harry quietly tries to calm her with and doesn’t let go until she loses her grip on him. Harry holds Lucy by her shoulders and looks her in the eyes.

‘Don’t cry, I’m not worth crying.’ he says smiling while he wipes a tear away from her face. That’s cute, Louis thinks as he’s watching the scene, but still, he’s incredibly embarrassed for his friend who is now trying to talk to Harry.  Her hands are shaking while she wipes her eyes.

‘I…I love you, Harry, I’ve always wanted to meet you and…and…I would have never thought to meet you here and I love you so much, oh my god, I love you, why are you even here, I mean this is a dorm and you’re famous why are you here? I love you, Harry, I love you!’ Lucy is talking so fast that Louis almost can’t understand what she’s saying because her voice is thick with tears and she’s sobbing and sniffling through her whole sentence, if that is one, though.

‘Do you feel better now?’ Harry tries to talk normally to her and it seems as if she’s slowly getting normal again.

‘I guess.’ she sobs and wipes her eyes one more time. Harry sits down onto the bed again, looking at Lucy who is reaching for his hand. Harry takes her hand and covers it with his other, pulling her closer that she finally sits on the bed, next to Harry. Lucy pulls out her mobile and asks Harry for a picture. Of course she gets more than one, Harry is so nice. Louis just watches the scene, he’s watching his friend kissing Harry onto the cheek, then hugs him again and after she’s thanked him for the pictures, she leaves the room.

  
‘It’s a wonder she said thank you.’ Louis says mockingly. Harry and Louis can hear her screaming outside.

‘I’m sorry for my friend.’ Louis is clearly embarrassed. ‘I didn’t know she could behave that awful.’ Harry laughs out loudly. ‘I don’t know why they are like this, it’s just me but you know I’m used to it. Don’t take it too seriously because they wouldn’t do that if I wasn’t famous so it’s part of my job, I guess.’ Louis smiles. ‘Do you always stay that calm? I’d freak out if someone I didn’t know would hug and kiss me the way she did.’ he says.

‘Depends, sometimes it’s weird, sometimes it’s okay but I know they’re happy when they get a hug so I do it. It’s okay, if they don’t try to take off your clothes, it’s always okay…’ Harry laughs.

All of a sudden they hear noise and voices from outside, as if many girls were walking on the floor, then they hear a knock.

‘Oh no.’ Harry says and Louis frowns.

‘I think she told them I’m here.’ Louis rolls his eyes. The knocking gets louder and Louis is clearly pissed. ‘Wait for fucks sake!’ Louis voice is loud and energetic so they don’t knock again but also don’t go away. Louis panics. ‘What are we supposed to do now?’ he asks Harry who starts dressing again.

‘I could give them what they want and then leave because it’s only a matter of time until they tell their friends, you know. It can be dangerous if I’m on my own without a bodyguard so I’d say I’ll give them their autographs and pictures inside of your room and then I’ll go.’ Harry states and gets up to open the door. Even before Louis can answer, his room is full of girls who scream, cry, sob and act as crazy as Lucy. Louis sits on his bed, shaking his head at this mess. The worst thing is that he knows almost all of them and they don’t say hello or something, they just throw themselves at Harry immediately. What the hell? But Harry stays calm again. He closes the door and waits until the girls have calmed down a little. Of course, Lucy is with them. Louis grabs her arm and pulls his friend towards the balcony while Harry asks the girls to not tell anybody else about him being here. While Harry is writing autographs and taking pictures he pushes her through the balcony door and closes it.

‘Are you insane? First of all, why did you behave like a baby and second, why are you telling everyone about him?’ Louis is angry, very angry, almost enraged as he’s lighting a cigarette for his nerves.

‘Why haven’t you told me that you know him and most important of all, why haven’t you told me that he’s here? You know how much I love him! He’s the love of my life, so don’t tell me how to behave!’ Lucy almost yells back, gesticulating with her hands.

‘You are insane, you don’t even know him and you know what, I wanted to keep his privacy because he barely has one and you’re the reason why he’s now trapped here!’ Louis shouts back. ‘It’s none of your business where I know him from and it’s none of your business if he’s here or not! You’re a stranger to him and you clearly invaded his privacy! What’s wrong with you?’ Louis nervously pulls his cigarette and blows the smoke out in small puffs. It’s silent for a few seconds, also Lucy gets quiet.

‘I’m sorry Louis, I just love him.’ Louis shakes his head.

‘That’s bullshit. You don’t love him. You don’t know him, could you come clean just for a second maybe?’ He says and throws his cigarette onto the balcony before lighting another one. Lucy remains silent, then she turns away and pushes through the door without looking back at Louis.

  
The girls are still inside, all acting like crazy while Harry is so nice to them, doing everything they want for another ten minutes until Louis gets impatient. ‘Could you please go now, that’s my room and you’ve been here uninvited so just leave okay?’ He’s stressed out and pissed at the same time. When the girls have finally left, Harry starts dressing again.

‘You want to leave? Really?’ Louis blurts out immediately but Harry nods.

‘It’s the best for both of us. They will tell others although I’ve asked them not to and it will all end in a huge chaos. It’s better for both of us if I leave, trust me.’ Harry pulls on his beanie, puts his phone back into his pocket and walks towards the door. ‘I’ll text, I promise.’ he says and leaves again. Why is Harry always leaving when he’s with Louis? This game is exhausting, very much. Suddenly Louis can hear some girls screaming outside and he immediately knows what’s up. This is insane, fucking insane. He wanted to be famous too but when he looks at reality he’s not very sure if it was better he didn’t get through all auditions.

At the end of the day at least fifty girls have knocked on Louis’ door to ask him about Harry, two of them even wanted a date with Louis – of course. They hadn’t noticed him before but suddenly they want to go out with him? That’s fucking shit. Maybe Harry was right when he left.

As Lucy passes by very late, Louis is already in his bed. He’s still pissed but too tired to argue with her so he lets her in. She just stands there while Louis snuggles back under his covers.

‘Louis, I’m sorry for…well, you know.’ she says, nervously rubbing her hands. She doesn’t know what to say, a few seconds pass. Louis sighs and gives her a sign to crawl under his cover too. He looks at her and notices her eyes are red. Has she been crying? Because of Harry?  ‘Where do you know him from?’ she asks timidly, expecting a harsh answer. ‘Will you stop talking about Harry if I answer this?’ Lucy nods what makes Louis sigh.

‘I participated in the x-factor about two years ago, that’s when we met. Obviously you haven’t heard Grimmy’s show.’ Oh god. Why did he mention this? ‘What show?’ Lucy asks, of course.

‘Forget about it, I don’t want to talk about this…’ Louis turns the conversation down. ‘Don’t ask me further, please.’ Lucy presses her lips together and nods.

‘He was so cute Louis, I can’t stop thinking of him.’ she explains, just staring out of the window.

‘You promised something.’ Louis says but Lucy looks at him with puppy eyes and folds her hands to say please. Louis shakes head.

‘You’re crazy. How can you say that you love him, he’s a stranger.’

‘I don’t know, he’s so pretty and sexy and I miss him so much…’ her eyes water and she starts crying bitterly. From one second to the other, that’s crazy. That’s really crazy, Louis thinks but he remains quiet. She’s his friend and if that’s her problem now he’ll be there for her. He lifts the cover next to him.

‘Come here.’ He says and pats the space next to him. Lucy scoots closer and puts her head on Louis’ chest. He wraps his arm around her and covers her up with his cover.  

‘I don’t know why but I miss him so. Please, can you help me to meet him again?’ her eyes got wet so fast and now she’s fully in tears, sobbing hardly as she covers her face with the palms of her hands that Louis almost feels bad for being so harsh to her all the time. Louis wraps his arms closer around his crying friend and just holds her. ‘Please, Louis, I need to see him again. Please.’ She looks into his eyes but Louis doesn’t say anything. He just gives her a gentle little kiss and caresses her hair until she falls asleep in his arms. Louis looks at her.

‘If you only knew…’ he whispers and closes his eyes, too. The next morning Lucy is gone and Louis just shakes his head, remembering what happened the day before.

## Saturday

Harry  managed to come home safely but as much as he likes meeting people, those situations always scare him because they can get out of hand easily. Luckily the girls were okay yesterday and let him go soon after they got their autographs and pictures. Late at night, he opened all messages he got from Louis. He really wanted to give Louis all the answers he deserved but he was too shy to tell him the truth and to be honest he felt relieved when the girl knocked on the door. Is she okay now? Harry felt sorry for her because she’s obviously lost her sense for reality. Harry thinks he’s not worth to be admired like that. It’s still strange for him, although he should be used to it until now. He takes his phone from the bedside table and types in a message for Louis.

_‘Hi Lou, sorry for leaving again yesterday. I think that’s a pattern in our friendship! Haha! I wonder if your friend’s better today? I’m really not worth so much crying, maybe you can tell her that? Oh and…what are your plans for this evening? –H._

_‘Hey! Got nothing planned. I haven’t seen Lucy today but she was crying yesterday evening when she came to me and she was repeating that she loved you. This girls is completely insane, I don’t know what you did to her._

_‘Me? I’ve done anything to her, I’m innocent ;) What do you think if you’d come with me to London? I have a house there and we could hand out for the weekend, watch some movies or so. I think it’s safer than staying here with all the girls. Would you like to? You could come to Barners Street at noon so I could pick you up there without causing trouble?_

Harry is very happy that Louis wants to come with him. When he drives around the corner of Barners Street, he sees Louis leaning onto the red brick wall. He looks cute in his Adidas trousers and his white Adidas top. His hair is messy and his eyes sparkle as he gets into Harry’s Range Rover. The drive to London takes about three hours. Louis starts talking about Lucy and Harry ends up in telling him crazy things he has experienced with fans. It feels nice to laugh with Louis and Harry is happy he asked him if he would come home with him. Harry lives in a nice, two story brick house in Primrose Hill.

‘Wow, that’s huge! And it’s so beautiful here…’’ Louis says astonished as he steps into Harry’s house.

‘My family often comes here so they have a place to stay…that’s why I bought it.’ Harry explains, clearly feeling uncomfortable. He doesn’t like to talk about money, houses or other expensive things.

‘Did you buy all the furniture? It looks so pretty…’ He knows houses like this one from movies or pictures but he’s never seen one in real life. Harry shifts a little.

‘This house came furnitured, I’ve only bought a few things in here.’ he says. ‘Let’s not talk about the house, I already feel uncomfortable.’ Harry says silently, twisting his ring. ‘Just feel at home.’

After they had placed their stuff in the entrance hall, Harry walks towards the kitchen. ‘I’m gonna make us some tea, just follow me, if you want.’ Harry offers. ‘If you like you can also walk around the house and have a look, I don’t have any secrets you shouldn’t see or something.’ Louis laughs.

‘That’s nice but I’d rather walk around with you.’ Harry smiles at him. I’ll just boil the water and then we’ll walk around, if you want.’

After Louis has seen every room in the house, the boys have a cup of tea and then decide to go for a walk. Luckily, no one recognizes Harry and as they come home, Louis feels cold so Harry offers him to use his bath tub. While Louis is relaxing, Harry orders some food and lights the fireplace. He pulls out a thick grey blanket out of a drawer and waits for Louis to come downstairs. ‘I love your bathroom.’ Louis says and wipes his hair with a towel. It’s messier now and he looks adorable.

‘Yeah, the bathroom was also one of the reasons I bought this one.’ Harry smiles. ‘I’m happy if you like it here.’ Harry says softly.

‘The view is incredible.’ Louis adds, throws his towel away and grabs a hand full of popcorn and shoves it into his mouth.

‘I’ve ordered some stuff for us as you can see, so if you’re hungry just grab whatever you want.’

‘Thank you so much. You remembered how much I love food, obviously.’ Louis chuckles and takes a piece of pizza out of the packaging. Harry nods and rubs his back quickly.

  
After dinner, the boys clean the table and Louis blow dries his hair before they sit down on the sofa again. The fire is crackling, both of them are snuggled under a blanket and it’s a wonderful atmosphere while the wind is blowing outside and a few raindrops fall against the huge windows. Harry switches on the telly and when he switches through the programmes, Louis squeals when he gets to see an old episode of ‘Family Guy’.

‘Oh please, let’s watch that – I love Family Guy!’ Harry hates this show but Louis is so happy that he doesn’t mind. He puts the remote away and snuggles deeper into his blanket as he tries to glance at Louis who is beyond excited about a few comic heroes. He looks so soft, so cuddly and Harry wants to be close to him but he’s doesn’t bother to do something about it. After ‘Family Guy’ is over, Harry switches through the channels to find something else they could watch. He flicks through the programmes and suddenly Louis tells him to stop.

  
‘Wait, I’d love to see what’s happening in your world.’ Louis says with a smirk.

‘Oh please, I hate celebrity news so much.’ Harry moans and hits Louis’ arm playfully. He scoots a bit closer to Harry, just to take away the remote control.

‘Got it!’ Louis laughs and sits back, holding the remote control in his hands. He smiles triumphantly and shoves another hand full of popcorn into his mouth. Harry just shakes his head and laughs at Louis. He begs Louis to switch the channel but Louis doesn’t want to.

‘Oh look, that’s you! Wow you look amazing in that outfit, holy moly!’ Louis gasps as Harry is shown in his fancy clothes he wore at the Brits.

‘Please Louis, switch the channel, please!’ Louis just shakes his head. It’s too funny to see Harry that upset and he’s enjoying his little game too much. Harry gets silent all of a sudden. The report is about him and Taylor. They show old pictures of him and her walking through a park, then they show them dining where he had to give her a kiss. Harry hated this stunt so much. In the middle of the report Louis turns his head. ‘So? You’re dating Taylor Swift?’ Louis remarks half-amused and chews his popcorn. Harry is trying to stay cool here but he’s nervous. ‘Are you?’ Louis insists after Harry doesn’t answer.

‘No. Well, it’s not what it looks like.’ he just says barely audible.

‘What?’ Louis gasps. ‘Come on, you were holding hands with her and you were in a restaurant for a candle light dinner? I haven’t done that with a friend before, maybe I should try it.’ Louis teases Harry and grins at him while they zoom in, showing Harry how he’s kissing Taylor. ‘Ha! See?’ Louis squeals.

‘What!?’ Harry almost shouts back.

‘You kissed her, you awful liar!’ Louis yells, grabs a decorative pillow from the couch and throws it at Harry who catches it and holds it for a second.

‘What have you just called me?’ he jokingly rises his voice and throws the pillow back at Louis who quickly takes another one to shove it into Harry’s face who immediately gets up from his seating position to hover over Louis so that the smaller boy has no chance to escape and is so close that Harry could kiss him. Instead he tries to take away the pillow that Louis holds over his head and pins his arms down so that he can’t move. ‘I’ve won, now you have to do whatever I want.’ Harry happily sings and grins. Louis playfully tries to escape Harry’s grip but doesn’t succeed.

‘Okay, okay.’ Louis gives up but when Harry loosens his grip on Louis arms, he quickly wiggles out of Harry’s hold and throws himself onto him so that Harry lies on his back, caught off guard. Louis sits down onto his tummy and crosses his arms triumphantly. ‘You’re wrong, love. I won and now answer that damn question. Is Taylor your girlfriend? I have to tell Lucy, she has seen the pictures in that stupid magazine she left at my room and won’t stop asking me.’ Harry enjoys this moment because Louis is so close but he’s also afraid. He’s only allowed to tell his closest family about that stunt, otherwise Harry could be sued and he’s sure Mr Steven’s lawyers are the best.

‘If you don’t answer, I’ll stay on top of you for the rest of the evening.’ Louis jokingly blackmails Harry who smirks at him and tries to get up. Although Harry is taller than Louis, he can hold him down. If he wouldn’t have the urge to go to the toilet, Harry would stay that close to Louis but he can’t. Louis is sitting on his bladder and that hurts.

‘Let me go to the toilet first, then I’ll answer.’ Louis crosses his arms but when Harry gives him a heart-warming puppy eyed look, he lets him go. When Harry returns, he puts some more wood into the fire, sits down and covers himself with the blanket. Louis rubs his hands.

‘Are you feeling cold?’ Harry asks him. As Louis nods, Harry pulls the blanket up and gives Louis a sign to scoot closer. Louis does it and his body touches Harry’s body too. Harry enjoys this feeling because it’s nice and warm. Harry pulls his part of the blanket closer and wraps his arms around his bent knees. The celebrity news are still switched on but Louis turns down the volume.

‘So tell me about Taylor.’ Louis grins and playfully presses his body against Harry’s for a second to get him talking. Harry pushes his curls back and looks up.

‘You have to promise that you won’t tell anybody what I’m telling you now. Anybody.’ Louis frowns.

‘Uh, I didn’t know you’re also working for the CIA.’ Harry doesn’t smile at all and Louis gets serious again. ‘Sorry.’ Harry sighs and starts talking.

‘I’m not dating her. It’s just a stunt.’ Harry’s voice is low and he lowers his head again to put it onto his knees.

‘But you kissed her and there are pictures of you hanging out with her every everywhere!’ Louis says, clearly not understanding what Harry means. Harry shakes his head.

‘It’s fake, it’s not a real relationship. I don’t like Taylor at all but I have to pretend I’m her boyfriend.’ Harry says slowly, feeling his eyes getting wet. He turns his head and stares out of the window. A few tears run down his cheek, he can’t stop them. Harry is sad because he has to do this, he’s sad because he has to hide his sexuality, he’s sad that he’s not allowed to talk about it and he’s afraid that Louis will leave after the confession Harry is planning. Little sobs escape his mouth while Louis is gently touching Harry’s back.

‘Why are you crying? Have I said something wrong?’ Louis asks quietly and leans onto Harry’s shoulder but Harry doesn’t move. He shakes his head.

‘No.’ Harry answers shortly but doesn’t turn his head. His body starts shaking but he doesn’t dare to look over to Louis who is wrapping his arms around him and places his head onto his back. It feels good to have him close, too good.

They sit like this for a few minutes, then Harry turns around and finally looks at Louis. His eyes are bloodshot and he’s sobbing like a child. ‘Come here.’ Louis says and pulls him close. Harry lays his head onto Louis’ chest and closes his eyes. While Harry is laying there, Louis runs his hand through his curls what feels amazing and reminds Harry of the time when they were sitting in the dark movie room in their hotel during the x-factor. It’s the same intense feeling, the same nervousness, the same intimacy. After a while, Harry gets up and looks at Louis.

‘I know it sounds crazy but…I have to do stunts to keep the attention on One Direction.’ Harry says and wipes his eyes. ‘I’m sure you heard about me and Caroline Flack.’ Louis nods.

‘Lucy told me you had an affair with her or something although she was way older.’

‘Or something is right.’ Harry answers and exhales loudly. ‘I liked her but we never had sex or anything. We just got along well but my management thought it would be good for us to have more publicity by spreading that story over the front page and that’s how I got titled as the womanizer of the band.’ The memory brings back the tears, it hurts so much. Harry is still young and he’s not capable of that shit.

‘I’m not a womanizer Louis, that’s just what the press calls me all the time and it’s what people shall believe.’ Harry nearly sobs every second word. He can’t speak properly because of the tears that are streaming down his face. Louis is shocked. He knew that some news are fake but he had never thought it in Harry’s case. Louis gently rubs Harry’s back.

‘That’s shitty. I’m very sorry.’ Louis whispers and runs his hand through Harry’s curls to calm him.

‘It’s okay, I mean it’s not your fault. But it hurts.’ Harry stammers while trying to get a tissue out of a little drawer next to the sofa.

‘But…why do you have to date Taylor for publicity, I mean…couldn’t you just stay single?’ Louis asks carefully. Harry shakes his head and gets up from Louis’ chest.

‘The plan was to introduce me as the head of the band. Have you seen the old pictures? I’m always in the middle, always. My management thinks I’m the head of the band – or at least that’s what they want me to be, they have planned this womanizer image for me because people should talk about me and then about the band. If I tell anybody they’ll sue me but I wanted to tell you. That’s why you have to keep quiet about that thing. It’s the biggest kept secret in the business and there’s no way to escape because it’s written in my contract.’ Harry says in tears and blows his nose. ‘I’m going to have stunts all the time until the contract ends in three years, I’ll always be the one who plays with women or who has one after another, but that’s not me Louis, it’s not me…’ Louis caresses Harry’s shoulder.

‘I don’t get it, I mean okay they want you to be in the press all the time but can’t you have a normal girlfriend, someone you really like? Or do they also tell you who you’re allowed to be with?’ Louis asks but waits for Harry to calm down a little. ‘Should I stop asking?’ Louis asks after a while but Harry shakes his head.

‘No, no, I trust you and I have to talk about it because it’s driving me crazy.’ he admits, still in tears. I could if I would find someone but there’s something else only my family knows.’ Louis feels a lump building in his throat. ‘Please promise you won’t run away from me if I tell you this.’ Harry begs. Louis shakes his head.

‘I won’t.’ Harry rubs his face.

‘Another reason I have to do these stunts is that…Louis, I’m not straight.’ he slowly confesses and feels the tears filling his eyes again. Louis first stares at Harry without doing anything, but when he notices his tears and his desperation about the situation, he pulls the sobbing boy close again and cuddles him as much as he needs it.

‘Don’t cry.’ Louis says, then places a little kiss against Harry’s temple.

‘Thank you.’ Harry whispers and closes his eyes. Louis’ warmth feels so good and soothing that Harry wishes it would never end. He has a crush on Louis but is too shy to admit it. Louis is so nice and he really cares about Harry, he’s sure about that.

After a while Harry feels better and gets up from Louis chest. He crosses his legs and looks at his friend. ‘Some of the pictures you saw were the reason I had to leave. Remember when my management called me? That was the reason.’ Harry tells Louis and takes his mug from the table. ‘This business isn’t a nice one. Sometimes I wish I wouldn’t have been elected.’ Harry takes a sip of his tea. Louis doesn’t say anything, he just listens to Harry. ‘Now you know what’s up. And the worst thing is that people really think that I’m a womanizer. They don’t make up their mind about the person who’s behind my name, you know.’ Harry sighs.

‘I don’t like that either.’ Louis says. ‘I wasn’t aware of it but now that I know I do understand why you’re sad.’ Louis touches Harry’s shoulder. ‘But the people who really love you know that you’re such a nice guy and I think that’s important. You’re funny, handsome and talented.’ Louis cheeks flush. ‘If you wouldn’t have been elected, nobody would be able to listen to your voice and that would be a pity.’ Louis smiles and makes Harry blush.

‘Thank you.’ He says and hugs Louis gently.

‘I have to show you something, Lou. Just put on your scarf and follow me.’ Harry says and takes the blanket with him. Louis and Harry walk onto the roof of Harry’s house. There’s a little worn out sofa in a corner of the small roof terrace where the boys sit down.

‘Wow. It’s beautiful here.’ Louis points out and snuggles close to Harry because the wind is quite cold.

‘It is.’ Harry nods and enjoys Louis' closeness. They really have the prettiest view over London. The lights are switched on everywhere and the city looks as if it’s risen from a fairy tale book.

‘Harry, that’s like in the movies.’ Louis remarks and looks at Harry who nods.

‘But if we were in the movies, there would probably be a romantic scene at the end.’ he smirks. Louis looks into Harry’s eyes, then lays his head onto his lap. Harry instinctively puts his hand onto Louis’ stomach.

‘For me, that’s pretty romantic.’ he states quietly and runs his hand over Louis’ soft hair. Louis would flinch if he didn’t like it, wouldn’t he? Harry looks deep into Louis’ eyes.

‘If you had to choose one person to be here with you tonight, who would it be?’ Louis asks silently, looking into the sky that’s full with stars.

‘You.’ Harry answers and strokes Louis’ forehead. He gently runs his thumb down his cheek and lowers to give him a kiss onto his forehead. Harry’s lips feel warm and soft. They stay quiet for a long while.

‘Harry?’ Louis asks quietly and turns his head. ‘I like you.’ Harry looks at Louis and touches his forehead again. Harry slowly takes Louis’ hand in his and looks at him. As Louis doesn’t turn his head, Harry lowers down and gives Louis a gentle little kiss onto his cheek. Louis smiles and snuggles closer to Harry again who puts his arms around his body. Harry gently caresses Louis’ forehead and scratches his scalp. ‘Thanks for peeing on me in the toilet.’ Louis says with a smirk. ‘I’m still very so…’ But Louis immediately puts his hand over Harry’s mouth.

‘Would you stop apologizing!?’ Louis scowls and gets up to sit down onto Harry’s lap. ‘Or I’ll leave in a minute.’ Harry smiles behind Louis’ hand.

‘Where would you go?’ Harry asks slowly but Louis only snuggles into the curve of Harry’s neck and inhales his smell.

‘Well…I know a girl named Taylor who…’ Now it’s Harry who has to silence Louis.

‘Don’t you dare mention her again and you’ll sleep on the street tonight!’ Harry scowls playfully and takes both of Louis’ wrists into one hand. Louis can’t manage to free his wrists so he just looks into Harry’s eyes and gives him a quick kiss onto his mouth. Harry loses his grip on Louis, touches his cheeks with the palms of his hands and kisses him back. The kiss is slow and intimate and Harry doesn’t want it to end. Louis’ lips are soft, warm and his touch feels heavenly.

‘I think you should tell her that you cheated on me.’ Louis smirks and gives Harry another small kiss onto his nose.

‘And you should tell your mummy that you’re having a boyfriend now.’ Harry smiles and wraps his arms around him, tickling Louis’ neck with his curls. ‘I’ve missed you all the time Lou, but I was too shy to tell you. That’s why I didn’t call, that was the only reason.’ Harry admits while he gently kisses Louis’ neck. ‘And I was afraid that you would run away from me.’ Louis turns around and snuggles himself close to Harry who immediately puts his arms around him. Louis gives him a quick kiss onto his cheek. ‘I’d never do that.’ He says and kisses him again. Both boys sit there in silence and enjoy their closeness. The wind is blowing, the air is fresh and the stars are sparkling over London.

‘I have to tell you a secret.’ Harry whispers and pulls Louis closer.

‘Another one?’ he asks and opens his eyes.

‘Yeah.’ Harry smiles and kisses Louis’ temple. ‘Do you remember when we were in the movie room and I had a headache?’ Harry asks Louis who nods. ‘I lied to you.’ Harry giggles but Louis slaps him gently.

‘Why would you do that?’ Harry wraps his arms tighter around him.

‘Because I wanted to be near you and I was afraid you would rather go partying with the girls instead of staying with me.’ Louis smiles and gives Harry a cute little kiss onto his neck.

‘I love you, you cute little liar.’ Harry chuckles and bites Louis’ neck gently.

‘I love you too.’

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
